What’s Victoria’s Secret?

I blame Chumbawumba for the state that the state of Victoria is in.

Victoria got into this backslide tailspin all purpose muckup of a situation precisely because:

They wanted a whiskey drink and a vodka drink and a lager drink and a cider drink ( – now!!!, and to hell with anyone that catches that stupid virus and dies.)

Oh and they wanted “the economy” all back and putting dollars back into the pockets that deserved it just like Scotty From Marketing said (even though he didn’t come to help in any way when it happened) and so we got knocked down, but we got up again, but then COVID got up again…

We got here because of Scott Morrison’s pathological need to save the economy that is so broke that it can spend $270BILLION on rockets, the greatest rockets on Earth, let me tell you. These rockets will completely stop the Kung Flu. But that same economy STILL can’t afford to pay bushfire victims or the victims of Robodebt crime.

And so now we sing the songs that remind us of the good times we sing the songs that remind of the better times and in between we plan to drown Scott Morrison and the LNP in a sea of bad publicity.

I’ll let Chumbawumba tell the next paragraph:

“Truth is I thought it mattered
I thought that music mattered
But does it? Bollocks
Not compared to our people matter”

Where is that, hey? Where is that?

Oh, Scotty boy
Scotty boy
Scotty boy

Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away

At his precious footy games.

Meanwhile, Police Chief Commissioner Shane Patton got wind of some illegal cockfighting activity going on, and it seemed like a good distraction from the recent greyhound live baiting scandals and the number of cops that didn’t know what constituted an infraction of the arbitrary and sometimes downright Trumpesquely irrational lockdown regulations and so they just fined anybody that didn’t run away, on principle. Cockfighting was going to save the reputation of Victoria’s County Mounties for sure!

So he got one of his flunkeys to go infiltrate a cockfighting ring and report back.

A few days later the flunkey (having spent a few tens of thousands of dollars of public monies ordering booze and drugs to ingratiate himself with the organisers) slouched back into the office looking like a month-long coke party gone wrong.

“Well?” said PCC Patton, “What did you find out?”

“Owww!” said the flunkey. “My f*ggen head man! I bin through a lot to get this goss for ya!”

“Ta begin wif” he continued, “I found out dat big corporations was involved, and immigrants, and da LNP.”

“How’d you figure that?” asked Patton.

“Well, I figgered dat da big corporations was involved because one of the entries was a duck wit ‘Figthing Cock made in China” on da box.”

Patton nodded, it made sense.

“Den I figgered out dat immies was involved because sum people bet on da duck.”

Patton again nodded his head, and said “Good work. Now, how did you figge- figure out that the LNP was involved?”

“Well boss, da duck won.”